Teaching Your Toddler To Ski

As a mom who loves to ski, the chance to teach my son to love the slopes is something I’ve been waiting for since the day I found out I was pregnant. (In that, “OMG, I didn’t realize until now but I’ve been looking forward to taking him skiing since he was in my belly!” kind of way.) But to be perfectly honest, I wasn’t really sure HOW to teach a three year old to ski. I mean...I didn’t even know where to begin.  

So I did what anyone would do and got a job teaching ski school! (Ok, ok, most people would search for blogs like this one and fall down the You Tube rabbit hole lookng for tips. But I’m an overachiever with a slow winter work schedule and a mother-in-law who has been teaching ski school for 8 years who practically filled out the application for me so...here we are.) But all kidding aside, learning techniques to teach tiny people to ski was one of my primary reasons for taking the gig. I still have a lot to learn (and endless certifications to pursue) but this season has taught me so much about the do’s and don’ts of toddler skiing.

DO: Look up You Tube videos of children skiing to watch with your kiddo. This will give them a connection to other kids their age skiing and gets them stoked about what they will be doing. This dad/daughter duo is one of my favorites on the internet. Dad has a contagious stoke and joy for being with his daughter on the slopes that can’t be matched and the little girl is having a blast.

DON’T: Buy snow clothes for your child at Target. While I know the price of winter gear is daunting, especially for people who will keep growing, discount store snow clothes will not be truly waterproof or particularly warm. A kid who becomes soaked and cold will not have fun, and if they don’t have fun they won’t want to do it again. A few tips to keep the price down: Try SIerra Trading Post for reasonably priced kids gear. We found the Little Bear’s snow pants on there this year for $24, roughly the same as Target gear but it is actually waterproof. If possible, you can buy your child one size too large coat and pants and get two seasons out of it. Don’t buy it so big and floppy that they trip over it or can’t move, but a little big is fine. You can also check out the Obermeyer iGrow system. There is stitching at the legs and arms that you remove to lengthen them in season two. If you combine this technique with the “buy a little big” technique you may get 3 seasons out of your child’s snow gear.

DO: Practice footwork before you hit the slopes! It can take tiny people a lot of practice to move their feet into the “pizza” shape that they will need to be able to control their speed. They won’t really want to practice this over and over on the slopes because...they just wanna SKI! (Really, can you blame em?) Help them learn to lean into the balls of their feet and slide their heels to the pizza shape. Feel free to physically move their feet for them a few times until they get the idea. Little children have difficulty moving their arms and legs separately so capitalize this and encourage them to make their arms into pizza too! It will help. And be the cutest thing ever!

This shape takes a lot of practice to make! 

DON’T: Use those leashes or ski behind them to hold them up. These things make me crazy. Children already have a great deal of difficulty getting their weight forward when skiing and pulling on their backs or being behind them encourages them to lean back into it. Additionally, instead of learning from day one to control their speed they learn to hurtle down the mountain with the expectation that someone will magically stop them. I’ve seen many many children come to ski school who were basically “foot sledding” down the hill at 2 and 3 years old who then, at 4, come to ski school to learn to ski for real. Problem is they have a TON of resistance to learning technique because they spent the previous two seasons flying downhill. That’s what they think skiing is all about and changing that pattern is extremely difficult.

In this moment I needed to be behind him to help him learn to load the lift. See how he is practically sitting on my hands? You don't want to cement this sitting back habit all the way down the hill. 

DO: Ski backwards in front of them! This way you can ensure their safety as they learn speed control and they will naturally want to lean forward, which is the body position you want to teach them. You can have them press the palms of their hands into your hands as they ski. It will give them confidence, move their weight forward, and encourage them to look up at you instead of at their skis. From this position you can also reach down and physically move their feet into the pizza shape if they are having difficulty.

DO: Use “tip clips”. They go on the ends of their skis to prevent ski drift. Tiny people don’t always have the muscle control to slide their heels out into the pizza shape without their legs completely drifting into the splits. This gives them a bit of support and helps lock in the muscle memory of what correct positioning should feel like.

DON’T: Wake your kids at 4 AM and feed them donuts and red gatorade while driving swiftly to high elevation. Seriously people. What is up with this phenomenon? I can’t tell you how many bright red piles of donut puke have ended up in the snow from this mixture. Driving to high altitude can cause altitude sickness by itself, add in a giant pile of fried dough, sugar and red dye and you have a seriously queasy combination! Instead, encourage healthy protein rich breakfast and drinking water to combat the change in altitude and help your kiddo feel their best. If at all possible, spend the night near the ski hill beforehand so they can be well rested and have a bit of time to adjust to the altitude.

DO: Keep it fun and light! Expect that they will struggle at least a little. Expect not to see a future olympian their first day out. Laugh with them when they fall, cheer for them and be stoked no matter what. Take lots of breaks to make snow angels and throw snowballs. Visit the lodge for hot cocoa and snacks. Getting wound up about their performance or getting everything “right” will stress them out and make them not want to do it again next time. The MOST important thing on your first few visits to the mountain are cementing positive happy memories with their parents that make them want to come back again and again.

Having fun and bonding on the slopes is the most important thing at this age! 

DON’T: Try to “get your money’s worth”. I completely understand the desire to make the most out of that $30 gear rental fee, or the expensive lift ticket. I really do. But teaching a toddler to ski and love it is a long game. My 3yo son is good for about an hour before he is doing the “limp noodle” flop onto the snow and descending into that particular delirious laughter that indicates an attitude crash is coming. Expect to spend about an hour on the slopes with your little one at first. Prepare yourself mentally to count the cost of that hour as money well spent investing in your child’s love for the sport rather than insisting on going all day and causing exhaustion and resistance next time.

Officially "limp noodle" status. Don't push it. When they start to fall all over, pack it in. 

DO: Look into creative options for acquiring ski equipment. It is wise to just do a day rental the first time or two out (make sure they actually LIKE skiing first), but that will get very expensive very quickly. If you live near enough to skiing, check the local ski shops for season rentals. For around $150 you can rent skis for the whole season for your kiddo. Not only does this cut the cost of ski rental for trips to the mountain, but if there are small sledding hills near you that regularly get snow, you can hit those up quickly and easily if you have gear for your kids. If you have 3 or more children, it might make sense to purchase equipment each year for the oldest child and pass it down. As you become integrated into the “skiing with kids” community, it is very likely that parents of older children will offer to sell you their children’s old equipment for a reasonable price.

If teaching your kiddo to ski still seems overwhelming, ski school really can be a great option. Here are a few dos and don’ts for trying ski school.

DON’T: Lie about your child’s age so they can take a group lesson. It happens all the time and it really serves no one. At the ski school where I work, group lessons start at 4, but you can get a private lesson at any age you want. Parents, desperate for somewhere to send their children so they can ski for a few hours, and unwilling to pay for private lesson rates regularly send their 3 year olds to group lessons claiming they are 4. I get it. I really do and I don’t judge you one bit. Mama’s gotta ski amirite!? But here’s the thing. There really is a pretty huge developmental and social difference between a 3 year old and a 4 year old. (And let’s not forget that your child’s group lesson could have children who are 5 or even 6 years old.) The 3 year old will be unlikely to keep up with a group of older students causing the 3 year old to feel frustrated and the rest of the class to have to do a lot of waiting. If your goal is getting professional instruction for your tot but you are queasy at the price of a private lesson, call ahead to the ski school and ask if they have any one hour lesson deals. At the mountain where I work we have “early bird” 1 hour privates. It’s roughly the cost of a two hour group lesson, but gets your child out 1x1 for an hour before the rush of the group lessons hits the bunny hill. As mentioned previously, 1 hour is enough for tiny people anyway and they will make more progress in a 1 hour private than a 2 hour group lesson. If you goal is a babysitter, hire one of those. It will be cheaper.

DON’T: Make your child go to ski school if they don’t want to. This is not preschool. The advice at preschool is, drop your child off and they will eventually stop crying and join the class. That is very sound advice. The dynamics of ski school are very very different. At preschool the child can be in the room with everyone else, be comforted when needed by an adult, and the rest of the class can go about their business until your child is ready to join in. At ski school we are putting on coats and mittens and moving the class out to the ski slopes. “Sad Pandas” (our ski school’s name for crying or sick children) often simply refuse to move or do anything but wail and scream. The rest of the class cannot go about their business. What ends up happening 90% of the time is the sad panda has to have their parents called to pick them up early and the parents are now out the cost of ski school having gained nothing.

DO: Tip your child’s instructor. Ski instructors are making roughly minimum wage and are only being paid for the 2 or 4 hours a day they are physically teaching (even though they may be “at work” 6-8 hours). They depend on tips to be able to afford to be ski school instructors. No one teaches ski school to get rich, they do it because they have mad love for the game and a passion for teaching the sport to the next generation. But they need to eat too. No instructor expects to be tipped or is mad if you don’t, but they deeply appreciate it when you do.

Woohoo! Alright everyone! Are you ready!? Let’s get those kids out there to ski! Do you have any other great tips for teaching toddlers to ski? Still have questions? Leave me a comment and let me know!        

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Mom Guilt Is A Feminist Issue

In the heat of this contentious 2016 election cycle, there was one sound bite that stuck with me more than some of the others. (Though to be fair, there was plenty in all that madness to remember.) It was the media crucifixion of Chelsea Clinton for not being present for her child’s first day of preschool drop off.

Apparently, according to some, a mother needing to work out of town and leaving her children in the capable hands of their father while she does so amounts to abandonment, neglect and a cold hearted lack of maternal instinct. It pegs her as a bad mother, or really, hardly a mother at all. What kind of mother puts work (or anything else) ahead of her precious children even for a single day!? How could she miss even a single life milestone like that!? That poor child! Can you imagine the emotional scarring? The therapy she will need one day to work through the damage that will be caused from having such an absentee mother?!

Yeah...reading nonsense like that gave me the same disgusted, exhausted and annoyed feeling it does for working moms everywhere. For every feminist, mother or not, who doesn’t have to think for more than a second to see that no one would EVER make statements like that about a man, these assertions are ludicrous and disgusting. For generations men have worked away from the home, often to the point of spending so little time with their children that they hardly know one another. Cat’s in the Cradle anyone? Yet in this modern era of a more equitable division of income earning, mothers are criticised for allowing their spouses to take a pull at the child care from time to time. We’ll just never mind the sentiments about daycare. (But seriously though, if one more sanctimommy mutters anything about preschool “raising” my kid for me, fur is gonna fly.)

But as I worked through my outrage and disgust at the double standard that Ms. Clinton is being held to, it hit me. I wonder how SHE feels about missing that drop off? Does it give her pangs of regret and sadness? Because I would, despite my firm convictions that the child is fine and Dad is a capable parent too, feel a little bummed about missing a first preschool drop off. And I had to ask myself, “why?” Why would I feel guilty to leave my child with his DAD for the first day of preschool while I was doing a job that I love, have worked hard for, puts food on our table, and sets a positive example to my son about the role of women in the home and workplace?

Is it really innate? Is the guilt and sadness because I went through the lengthy hormonal roller coaster and physical output of making him? Maybe. Probably at least a little. But really, I think it is deeply entrenched programming about what is expected of me as a mother. That mothers should be there to see and experience every last moment of their children’s lives. That we should nurture our children constantly. That good mothers miss nothing. In many ways it doesn’t matter how much I logically think it’s horse shit. The programming is in there and it is crazy hard to shake.

And if we have a hard time shaking the mom guilt in order to work, in order to help provide life necessities and a solid future for the very children we feel guilty for leaving, how much harder is it to leave for a purely self serving purpose. To plan and actually go on an adventure to recharge our batteries. It’s incredibly hard. When I’ve been working all day it can be tempting to skip that bike ride after work because dang it I miss my kid. I worry that I’m being selfish to take another chunk of time away from him just because I want to. Going for three or four days? Whew! He might just graduate college when I’m not looking!

But I go. I go on that ride after work. I take that weekend away. I take that time to be with myself, with my friends. To remember who I am, what makes me tick. To resonate with the universe. Because when I do that, I come back ready to reconnect with my son on a deeper level. To be fully present with him and focused on him. I don’t believe that children need some vast expanse of time in which they receive our half attention. I’m not sure it is building up HIS reserves to wander on my periphery as I distractedly try to get him to go do something else so I can think straight. When I have been buried in piles of life stuff and childcare too long, that’s exactly what happens. When I have properly cared for myself, I am refreshed and ready to give him my full attention. If kids benefit from their parents being present, I want to have the stamina to actually BE present. Mind, body, spirit.   

Let’s also not forget that when I’m out there taking care of myself, it isn’t like my son is stranded with the wolves. Me getting out of the way gives my husband the space to connect with our son too. To be fully at the wheel of parenting his child. To do their father son things without my interference. To decide to eat broccoli for dinner, or skip straight to the ice cream. By walking away placing full confidence in my child’s dad to care for him, I empower them both. It sends my husband the message that I trust him completely to Dad. That I know he is capable as a parent and doesn’t need my list of dos and don’ts while I’m gone. Dad is not a babysitter. He’s a parent. It sends my son the message that people other than me are capable of meeting his needs and that the entire world is a safe place, not just mom. When I return, I come home to two happy healthy men, who have grown closer and more understanding of one another. Then it’s my turn. I take on the parent cape to ensure my spouse gets time for himself too while our son and I focus on each other.

If you are a single parent with no family near, you too can step away sometimes. That’s what community is for. When I think about the villages of a traditional people, everyone pitched in to share the load of child rearing, and everyone got a break sometimes. We don’t have a village anymore, so we need to make one. FInd your tribe. Find mamas you love and trust who you can trade babysitting time with. Find an amazing sitter who your kids love and you trust like a sister. Then go without guilt. It will be good for you and your children.

No one criticizes a man for working, for taking a weeks long hunting trip, for doing whatever he needs to do to feel whole and happy. We don’t need to accept that criticism either. Especially from ourselves.

The next time you feel that twang of guilt for taking care of yourself, let’s examine where that comes from. Ask yourself if a man would feel guilty for the same thing. As we work to dismantle the patriarchy that holds women to a different standard than men, we must identify the programming in ourselves first. Because mom guilt is a feminist issue.     

(This post is part 4, or a 5 part series on removing the obstacles moms face to getting out for more adventure. See part 1, 2, 3, and 5)      

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How to Raise Kids Who Love Outdoor Adventure

As an adventure loving mama, the early years with your tiny training partner are going to be a combination of slow, interrupted ambles in the woods (punctuated by stops for nursing, diaper changes/potty breaks, snacks, and the need to examine the fascinating structure of every stick and rock) with the occasional passing off of your darling progeny to your partner, grandma, or a sitter so that you can get out alone long enough to run fast, scream real loud and come back feeling human. In other words, it is largely about getting yourself back out there so that you don’t lose everything that was important to you pre-kid.

And maybe, like me, you also hope that you will ignite the spark of outdoor exploration in your child too. That they will find joy and fulfillment in a life outside. That as they grow bigger and stronger they will not only enjoy keeping up with you , but that they will one day hike farther, ride faster, and climb higher than you can.

Little Bear and a friend inspect I tiny catfish they caught. Kids love to see nature up close. Let them. 

We all know, however, that children hit phases of life where they become rebellious. Where anything and everything that their parents ever held dear gets jettisoned faster than hippies ditching weed when the cops show up. How then, do we instill the love of adventure that we have, without triggering the pushback?

While my child is only just 3, and I can’t claim to have “raised” an adventure loving kid yet, I do have about 15 years of experience (between classroom teaching and working as an outdoor educator) of observing other families’ tactics and outcomes and think I have spotted a few things that work, and some that don’t.

My best tips for raising adventure loving kids.

• Get them out early and often: The sooner and more frequently children are exposed to the outdoors the more comfortable they will be there, and the more they will view it as being normal. This doesn’t have to mean epic big wall climbs or weeks spent camping in extreme weather. Evening walks before dinner, afternoons in the backyard, Sunday family hikes at the nearest nature trail work well. The right amount of time will be something you feel out for your own family. We envisioned ourselves as the family who would camp with the tiniest newborn baby. In reality we camped once in our colicky, non-sleeping child’s first year. It was hell. He already basically never slept, in an unfamiliar place it was a non-stop scream fest. At first light I declared the trip over and we were going home. Other families report that their young babies sleep considerably better in a tent than at home. Everyone is different, so play it by ear. (Don’t worry, our 3 year old is now a champion camper. He calls our tent the “camping house” and becomes quite displeased when it is time to take it down and go home.)

• Let them see you enjoy outdoor activities: I spend a lot of time beating the drum about the importance of getting mama (and papa) out to experience their favorite activities for their own health and sanity. But taking care of yourself in this way has a hugely positive impact on your kids too. Not only because when you are happy and fulfilled you have more energy and patience for your children’s needs, but also, when they see these activities having a positive impact on you they will learn by watching that playing outside is fun and rewarding.

• Respect their interests: If all we do is push our own agenda onto our kids, we will create the push back and rebellion that we are trying to avoid. Watch your children and listen to what they tell you is important to them. This starts in the earliest toddler years with letting that hike turn into hours of splashing in the creek instead, not always having to push through for the exact itinerary you envisioned. Once they are old enough to show what they enjoy, it means supporting those things. My son has been talking about skiing nonstop the last month or so. Every day he asks when the snow is going to come so we can “go skiing at the skiing place”. Folks...he went skiing exactly once last year with his Grama. Once. They were out for like...20 min. It was way too cold that day. He is still obsessing. So, I guess we will do a lot of focusing on skiing this winter. I’m also noticing a natural inclination to climb EVERYTHING. So, I recently dug out my 20 year old climbing gear and am working on building those skills so that I can teach him how to do it too.

• Acquire top quality equipment for them: Look, I don’t want to be out in the cold and wet in crappy cotton sweatpants and a hoodie, neither does my kid. If they are cold, wet, miserable and fighting against heavy, barely functional walmart grade equipment, they are going to have a bad time. And a bad time means not wanting to do it again. I get it. Kids grow fast, and their interests change. The last thing parents want to do is dump gobs of money into stuff that will only be useful for a little while. But if we really want to raise kids who think outdoor adventure is fun, we need to get comfortable with the idea that we WILL be spending serious cash on their gear. Also, get creative! If you know the quality brands of mountain bikes for kids, you can keep an eye out for second hand versions. Heck, you can probably resell it later for nearly what you paid AND pass that awesome bike onto another stoked little kid. Find other outdoor loving parents who will swap gear. Maybe they will loan you their oldest kid’s climbing harness for this season and you can loan their youngest your kid’s outgrown snow suit. Win-Win. Many ski shops offer season rentals on kids equipment. You pay one reasonable flat fee to use the skis for one winter and return them at the end of the season. No need to buy brand new ones every year. But whatever you do, outfit the kids with the best equipment you can manage and everyone will have more fun.

• Push them, but not too much: Just like adults, children need to build their physical and mental capacity for physical exertion little by little. As they are asked to hike a little further this week than last week, they build muscles and their own knowledge that they are capable. As parents, we will sometimes need to move the bar a bit for them. If you know they can hike a mile, try a mile and a quarter next time. But always move incrementally and have a bailout option in mind. The last thing you want is for your kid to decide that hiking with mom is akin to a death march and will be a miserable experience.      

• Make outdoor time fun: Let them have the super sugary cereal when camping. Save special toys for outdoor hang out time. Teach them fun games to play on the trail. Hiking isn’t fun to kids the same way it is for adults. The more you can inject fun out there, the more they will want to do it.  

• Beware hedonic adaptation: Humans are ease and comfort seeking creatures by nature. It is an understandable part of our DNA. Life for our ancestors, the ones who gave us our genetic makeup, was hard. Really hard. A daily battle for enough food, and water to keep on living while trying to stay warm, dry, and protected. Being able to identify ways to make life easier and more comfortable is a survival advantage. Once we become accustomed to a certain comfort level, we begin to expect that level and want things even more comfortable. Seeking ease and pleasure is normal. But in our modern world where we have more ease and pleasure available to us at every moment of every day than our ancestors could have ever imagined, we may have to be intentional about limiting our constant comfort and entertainment. I don’t want my child to be miserable of course, but letting him get slightly hot or slightly chilly and teaching him how to handle those situations will help him learn that slight discomfort won’t kill him, and teach him how to prepare and take care of himself. I want to let him get a little bored sometimes. Being outdoors can be thrilling for sure, but it is usually brief moments of thrilling accentuating hours of monotony. Learning to deal with the boredom is good for us all.

• But don’t ban the screens: Lest you think my previous point was going to lead to a sanctimonious rant about the evils of screen time, it isn’t. Like anything we forbid, screens will simply become more attractive if we fight too hard against them. Like many parents who value unplugged time, I too have a natural tendency to want to just live out in the trees in some Walden-esque manner eschewing technology and protecting my little snowflake from the evils of the flashing pixels. But let’s get real. We are modern humans who live in the real world. Forbidding all screen time or technology use is not only unreasonable, but it will be counter productive. It can even create an obsession with the forbidden fruit. And really, your child will, without a doubt, use technology someday as part of their job. Fingers in the ears and singing “la la la” isn’t serving anyone.

• Surround yourselves with like minded families: If your family and your kid are the only ones in town who spend their weekends mountain biking and climbing, it will seem “weird”. Having a community of other adventure loving families around will help them see that being an outdoor family is normal.    

Playing outside is more fun with a friend!

Of course, there is no perfect formula for raising kids that love nature and adventure as much as they love indoor activities and screentime, but I do think adopting these practices will help point them in the outdoor direction.

How do you encourage a love for the outdoors in your kids? Leave me a comment and let me know!            

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